It is best to feel at peace rather than be occupied by many earthly things. I feel better now that I am relieved from work. Although I know that it will entail of consequences in the coming days. Well, God knows where I stand and I know that he knows my best interest. I really wanted to stay busy...I mean to stay working but, Other people tell me otherwise. I was so confused for more than a week and I really don't know if I made the right decision. Sometimes I feel that working or being busy in church agenda is not being productive. May be I am wrong and may be I am right somehow. I tell to other people whose in trouble that, may be God has other plans for you. May be he wanted to see you doing things other than doing church work. I was just reminded of my values' teacher who told me that if you are caught between two Good things, You should choose what is for God. He is the source of Goodness and it should be returned to him. But in reality it does not work like that. In reality, your are being test of what is your priority? Well, it is sad to say that I never priorities God, what I do is what I know will do Good for me. I do ask God to guide me but I don't know if I did follow his suggestions.

Life is really complex and it is worse because of the freedom that granted to us. In times like this, I opt to pray at least to keep my sanity because it really stress me out to think of this life's complexity. What I know is that Jesus understand what I am feeling right now but I know what he wants me to do and it is hard to follow your will Lord. Give me time at least Lord. Please!!!

Sometimes, even you give all your effort to keep and strengthen your faith, still you know that it is not enough. Everything good that you experience suddenly disappear and what you see in front of you is the gloomy face of Hell. You start to question around you and wonder if there's meaning to all of these things.

May be, I am confused today about something and everything. May be I forgot to communicate to him that's why I am confused. I ought to listen to him but my anxiety does not permit me to stay calm and be silent. Many times of the 10 -year association with this ultimate one, I noticed that I felt this same feeling I am feeling right now. I even try to disassociate my self to him but he does not permit me. Although I am longing for something I didn't find it to any earthly thing or experience. Still I run back to this ultimate one.

Indeed, I am vulnerable to my relationship to this friend of mine. A far-away friend that I only noticed when I am in trouble and feeling sad and broken. I don't know how many years will he lend me to find my destined place, but whatever happen I will stick on you cause when I am lost, you guide me to the right path and when I am down you lift up my weary soul.