Wow...post...after almost half a year...

Sa mga di nakakakilala sa akin...ayos lang 'yan. Natutuwa ako at hindi pa expired ang account ko sa website na ito.

So on with the story...

Hanep ang agos ng buhay lately; kung saan saan ako natangay. Maraming nasirang plano, maraming nasayang na pera, at maraming nakalimutang gawain. Nakaka-banas lately...masarap magtanong, masarap magtaka.

Sa dami ng plano kong hindi ko naisakatuparan dahil sa mga pangyayaring hindi ko kontrolado, napapatanong ako...

May silbi ba ang pagpaplano para sa sarili mo kung lahat ng bagay sa buhay mo ay ayon sa gusto ng Panginoon para sa iyo?

May silbi ba ang paglalatag ng daang iyong tatahakin sa buhay kung anytime e pwede kang i-liko ng tadhana?

Mas maganda bang umupo na lang at maghintay dahil ng mangyayari dahil lahat naman ng pangyayari ay ayon sa "grand plan"?

...tsk, tsk, tsk...hindi ako nagrereklamo, nagtatanung lang...

nasa konsepto rin naman na tayo ng "grand plan e" marahil naicp nu na rin minsan...at naitanong sa sarili

1. "bakit kaya may nauna sa aking nakabili ng na iyon?"

3. bakit kaya hindi ako pinayagang ?

marahil narinig ninyo na rin, na ang gusto lang ng Panginoon para sa atin ay ang pinaka "the best"...

pero aaminin ko...kung minsan ayaw ko ng "the best"...

minsan gusto ko lang na matupad ang mga plano ko, makuha ang babaeng gusto ko, at magawa ang gusto ko...

nais kong ipaalala na hindi ako isang kontrabidang gusto kayong kunin sa "dark side"...gusto ko lang mag-share ng mga konsepto sa totoong buhay kung saan matatagpuan ninyo ang sarili ninyong nagtatanong, nagtataka, nawawala, at nahihirapang isagawa ang kagustuhan ng Panginoon...

oo, tama ka...

ngayon ako rin ay nagtatanong, nagtataka, nawawala, at nahihirapan...

gusto mo ba akong tulungan?

Hindi maikakaila na abala ang mga tao ngayon; sa trabaho, sa pag-aaral, sa mga kasintahan at sa mga kung anu-ano pang mga bagay. Kung minsan nga masyado na silang abala, na nakakalimutan na nila ang mga mas mahahalagang bagay sa buhay; nakakalimutan na nilang magpahinga, at pansamantalang isipin ang mga bagay na maliit man ang detalye ay matindi ang impluwensya sa buhay natin.

Naaalala ko iyong mga panahong nasa elementarya pa lang ako. Noon, hindi isyu ang 65 na grade, ang attendance mo sa klase, ang overnights para sa mga projects, ang paglabas sa mga night clubs at inuman, ang pagsa-shopping. Nabubuhay lang ako upang mag-aral, kumain, maglaro at manood ng tv. Natutuwa ka pa sa sampung piso, sa mga tutubing lumilipad, sa mga hermit crab na naghahabulan at kung anu-ano pa. Napapansin mo pa iyong ganda ng buwan at bituin, iyong payapang agos ng hangin sa dalampasigan. May oras ka pa para magbabad sa araw at magpakapawis, maglaro sa ulan at magtampisaw sa putik.

Nakikita ko ang mga teenagers ngayon, at kung minsan nalulungkot ako. Wala na ang pagmamahal sa kasimplehan sa buhay, wala na ang mababaw na kasiyahan, lahat ng mga bagay na ikinatuwa ko noon, corny na ngayon.

Oo, siguro nga mas mabigat ang buhay ngayon, hindi tulad noong mga panahon na iyon. Pero hindi naman natin kailangang makalimot hindi ba? Hindi naman mabigat ang isang araw upang magbalik-tanaw sa ating kabataan, hindi ba? Mahirap ba para sa atin dahil corny? Dahil hindi cool? Dahil matanda ka na?

Ikaw ba? Nawala na ba sa iyo ang kabataan mo?

"...the children will inherit the kingdom of God"

yes...practice...

tatlo lang kami...wow...

ilang minutong ganun, si ate nangangapa ng mga tabs nia...kasama ung bata, si Angela...nakakatuwang tignan...

ung isa pang myembro, si Stef, finifillup-an ung logbook...attendance...time in time out pa...

ako naman tumitingin sa bandang itaas...nandun kami sa isang areang may shed...ilang lakad mula sa music room. May tawag dun e...uh nakalimutan ko na

tapos ung stream ng brevs...dumarating na...kanya kanyang mano...nakakatuwa...

tapos music on, practice na...gulat ako...

matindi...sa lahat ng choir na nasamahan ko, dito lang ako nakaranas ng ganito

malakas...di ganun ka-solid pero mararamdaman mo yung kakaibang feeling, yung tinatawag kong "musical trance"...ung hinahanap kong "groove"...

ano kamo un? bihira kong maramdaman un, ung "one ka with the music"..."you lose yourself to the music"...bihira kong nararamdaman un sa labas ng kwarto ko

exagge...musicians nga naman oo...pero musician ba ako? hindi, pero nararamdaman ko ang mga bagay na ganun, hinahanap ko pa nga e...

balik tau...

prayer, malapit na nga naman na ang timeslot namin sa misa...

with crossed hands...we pray for each other, for those who are not here, for a good service and for everyone...it was great, it was wonderful...

Amen...tara sa mass!

...

ang unang taste q ng Breviary...

at ang muli kong pagro-rosaryo...nagro-rosary ako nun, nung nasa La Union pa ako...Angelus pa nga e..

nagcmula ang rosary...patay, nakalimutan ko na ung mga prayers..."nakakahiya ka"...bulong ng isip ko...

di ko na maalala kung anung nauna noon, Breviary or Rosary, basta kapag alas dos na, magsisimula na (Well, DAPAT...kaso hindi nagsimula nang alas dos..wala pa nga naman yung ibang myembro)...

may mga dumating, may dalang supot ng libro...plastic bag ng libro, para mas sosyal...so nagsimula na kami...at wala akong dalang rosary...naman...

ang naugat lang sa utak ko nun ay yung feeling...kakaiba, hindi ganito nuong nagro-rosaryo ako nun sa bahay sa La Union, habang tumitingin sa picture frames at iniisip: "sana maabutan ko pa yung Slam Dunk..."

unang beses na gusto kong magdasal talaga, nang taimtim, nang may focus...

at saka 'yung pagkanta ng "O Sacrament, Most Holy"...ewan, cguro exagge na kung sinabi kong napaka-striking nung naririnig ko un...pero ganun talaga e...

'yung choir kasi sa lugar namin, parang lahat ng kanta e nagiging pampatay...no kidding, 'di lang ako nagsabi nito...

si Ate Shobe ang lead, sabay sa pagtugtog niya ng gitara...hindi ko pa alam 'yung kanta noon...pero gusto ko talagang matutunan 'yun...

tapos yung Breviary...buti nsabi 'yung pages...ako naman sunod lang...basa, basa...na ang dami pang kamalian...

natapos ang Adoration...wala pa atang 3:00pm, pero dun kami sa isang area sa malapit...practice daw...

and off to the practice na nga kmi...

to be continued

...
tahimik...

hinanap ko si ate sa buong Porta Vaga building...Naturopaths nga namn...

sarado un ng Sunday, kaya hindi ako dumiretso doon...sa may Adoration room ako pumunta...walang tao

nagreply si Ate sa text: "patulong naman, hindi ko mabuksan 'yung pintuan dito sa Naturo..."

baba naman daw ako...to the rescue, pero...bukas naman na pagdating ko...

nakakatuwang tignan si ate nun, "iba" yung suot nia...basta. Tapos may dala pa siyang gitara na na nasa isang leather case...naalala q ung gitara ni Antonio Banderas sa Once Upon a Time in Mexico...Washburn ang tatak...ung aking Gisbon, tama, Gisbon...

tapos may kasama siyang bata, may dalang clarinet..."si Angela yan...". Mas nakakatuwa ito, may mga bata pala sa Brevs...

kinausap ko...ayaw magsalita, pinaglalaruan na lang nia ung note sheets niya...nakakalula ung itsura ng clarinet...mukhang mahal...

mas nakakalula 'yung gitara, mukhang mas mahal..."50,000+ ang original price nian", sabi ni ate nung tinanong q cia...

hinawakan ko, nang ninenerbyos..."50,000 yan loko, pag may nangyari dyan..." yun na lang naiisip ko...madalas kasi aqng makasira ng gitara, "curiosity"

wow...sa buhay q hanggang 13k lang na presyo ng gitara ang nahawakan ko...pero ang sarap ng feeling habang tinutugtog ko un, ayaw ko nang bitawan...

natapos si ate magencode ng song sheet...kelangan ko nang bitawan ung gitara...

paalam, kaibigan kong balot sa hard leather...

"tara" sabi ni ate...

Tapos nand2 na ung hero role ko, isasara na namin 'yung pintuan ng naturo...sliding door, medyo may sira...kala ko nga mdaling isara e...ilang minuto ang nakalipas, ilang tao na ang dumaan, ilang Newtons na ng pwersa ang naexert ko...finally, naisara na..."

Balik poise naman daw ako..."haha, naisara ka rin!" , sabi ng utak ko

Off we go sa Adoration room...

to be continued...

intended readers: all brevs members

mahirap mag-isip...e2 na naman aq sa 10-30 mins blog writing q...kaya nga wala nang masyadong natapos e...

eto...pakinggan nu na lang kung anung masasabi ko...

i revolved in a typical teenager's world...but I was anything but typical...in fact, I was often called weird...

animes, movies, online and LAN games, rap metal, screamo, heavy metal...

pare-parehas nangyayari sa mundo....mamamatay aq nang gani2

bored to the core ako dude, 'di kaya ng video card ko ung latest pc games, ang daming dapat aralin, wala akong makausap na interesting...

bored to the core...nakakamatay na boredom...I had to do something

luckily, a project paved the way for me to meet someone interesting...

Christine Arias...

now, this was one person who totally amazed me...indeed she's beautiful and all that, pero I know myself, physical beauty won't amaze me in the way she did...

she talked about herself comfortably, she talked about her music, her hobbies, herself in a way that typical girls won't...

she was in a way eccentric, even calling herself weird...

I had to had my share of talk...at nagsalita nga ako...and I was surprised...we talked about how we were "different" from normal people...she interested me a lot...

'yung usapan biglaang nag-shift sa topics about this little organization that she is in, and how she, along with other members faithfully worship and love God....

it was something out of the blue...ang tindi ng dating sakin...I had to hear more of what she called the "Breviarians"...

after a long week of deciding what to do...I finally decided...and off I go to the Cathedral...

to be continued...

Intended Readers: musicians and all interested

I've been hearing a lot of music recently...

A lot of musicians, since I was a kid...

Lots of genres, instruments and methods...

But rarely did I see an artist strike my emotions so much...

..made me shiver, made me sing, listen and play to his/her tune for a week, a month, or even longer...

I had to see it...what makes a musician stand out? the voice? the instrument? the talent?...

It was the emotions behind the song they were presenting...it's the delivery of feelings behind the tune...it's the power to attract people by making them relate to your words, and your tune...

Most of my services in the Breviarians were singing with the male melody in the choir...and my first time in it, I was delighted to see people singing beautifully...

But rarely do most of the members sing powerfully...with conviction in their voices, with joy and praise...it was just that...plainly beautiful...

To master the art of music, one must have talents and dedication...but the most important factor is the emotion behind it...

True, Red Hot Chili Peppers' lyrics did not make any sense, but they had the emotions, the beat and the talent...perfect...

A plethora of OPM bands dominate the local music industry today, but after less than a year or even less, you suddenly don't hear of some anymore...

What made Parokya Ni Edgar and Rivermaya and Wolfgang and many others remain in the industry?

Chito's voice is not that splendid, nor is Rico Blanco's (or whoever the current vocalist is)...but they had the words that make people relate to them...they have the emotions necessary to deliver well...

And that's the hardest part of being a musician...how will you make people listen to you, how can you make them feel your music

"Sing so that people will feel you and your words"

"Play to make your audience remember you, not to amaze them, but to bring to them your emotions..."

It's not about the audience liking your music...it's about them feeling it...(well, when they feel it, they will not necessarily like it)

Bah! Easier said than done! It's the challenge of being a musician...are you up to it?

Truly, being a musician is not just about singing songs and playing instruments...don't you agree?

I had to take a while, sit down and reflect on my life once in a while...I open my usual session with God, under the starry night, staring at the black sky illuminated by the moon...talking to myself

Hey God? What should we talk about right now?

How about the pain of not getting what I want? Of letting go and accepting?

They say that you only an the best for us, sometimes it's hard to think that way when...

1.My Personal Computer just crashed and I had to buy a new motherboard and hard disk

2. I just lost my 1000 peso bill and had to ask for another for this week's allowance

3. My pet dog ran into the highway and got hit by a car and died

4. I failed a subject and had to repeat it for another semester

5. The girl I like and felt like "she is the one" already is seeing someone

What is the best for me anyway? Can I not know it any earlier? Because if there is one thing most people lack, it's patience...

It's hard...to be thinking like that when you want something beautiful, something right, something worth everything in your life...and you can't have it...you can't have him/her...

It's hard to be thinking like that when painful things often comes in our life....

"God, why must you say your words so that only a few can understand it? so that it's hard to live by them?"

And then I thought hard...thinking that my views are diverse and critical, I stopped and thought that:

Nothing is more beautiful than what God wants you to have, nothing is more precious than a person God offers you, nothing is better than what God wants for you...

Because God's words are treasures worth the effort of critical understanding and dedication...

God's words are so precious that only a few will dare seek them, understand them.

Because if everyone is a shepherd then what will the shepherd lead?

"God, please make most, if not all people, think like that...like I do..."

Because I'll wait and always accept what is in front of me...because I know...YOU ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR ME...

Because I know that it is going through pain and sorrow that I will best understand your words...

Goodnight dude...thanks for the night...I'll talk to you again soon...

AMEN....

Intended Readers: Adults and Teens of Higher Comprehension

I have 2 unusual terms here:
1. the common view - what I define as a "normal persons" action and reaction, perspective and belief, the routines and habits

2.transcend - to go beyond or exceed

Am I being too conceited? No, as often as I always tend to be seen, I am not in anyway a conceited guy who thinks I have achieved the "enlightenment" or "nirvana", I am just a regular human, bestowed with this gift of diversely seeing things

It feels good to be different, but loneliness and isolation is the price.

It feels good to see things in a different light than most people, to be gifted with a questioning nature, to view yourself as a spectator observing how things and people move in this world...it feels so good...

Loneliness and isolation, I am willing to pay the price for a wisdom unlike any other...but God was so kind as to not even ask so much of the price...I have my friends...and there came Brevs; God made it known to me, that I need not pay the price to gain this gift, this view...

God gave me the option, but I took only a half of it

I started to search for someone with this gift, someone with this view, someone close to my age, someone who can share things with me...someone like me, a female version of me (must I mention I looked for someone who looks good?)

And in my desperation and frustration, I started to think that I never really was meant to interact with people, that no one can understand me...that I have to eventually pay the price...the burdens of being different...

So, how does it feel to have transcended the common view at this age?

It feels good, yet it doesn't feel right...and more often than not, I feel empty and incomplete

Will I even will someone to save me? What am I looking for? Help me...

hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon madaling ngumiti...mahirap ang ganito...

mahirap kung iba ang tingin sa iyo ng tao at masaydo mong pinapansin ang iniisip ng iba...ang hirap ng ganito

mahirap 'yung wala kang makitang kaparehas mo...mahirap 'yung nakikita mo ang sarili mo na iba sa lahat....ang hirap ng ganito...

mahirap 'yung wala ka nang makitang interesante sa mundo...mapa-tao man o bagay....ang hirap ng ganito

mahirap 'yung sawa ka na sa ingay ng mundo, sa mga reklamo, mga galit at away ng mga tao

SO....ANUNG GINAWA KO?

SINO ANG INASAHAN KO?

ANO ANG KASAMA KO?

kaibigang GITARA, halika, tugtog tayo, lunurin natin ang ingay ng mundo

anime ko, pakitaan niyo pa ako ng bago, ilayo niyo ako sa paulit-ulit na pangyayari sa buhay ko

Panginoon, alam kong hinding hindi mo ako iiwan, hinding hindi ka magsisinungaling sa akin, hinding hindi mo ako tatraydurin

napaka-cynical ko ba? siguro...pero 'di mo maiaalis ang realidad sa mga sinasabi ko...

so, tahimik ba ako dahil natural akong tahimik?, hindi...naging mabigat lang ang mundo para sa isipan ko